Etiquette Expert Answers Etiquette Questions From Twitter

I'm William Hanson, an etiquette coach,

and I'm here to answer

the internet's burning etiquette questions.

This is Etiquette Support.

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@dollymoroll asks, I always do my best

to have good table etiquette,

but I still genuinely do not understand

the no elbows on the table rule.

Why is that important!!!

The no elbows on the table rule

goes back to the medieval times in Europe,

where they were eating from trestle tables.

They would put these benches out with sheets of wood on top.

If you put your elbows on the table,

the table would tip and the food would go everywhere,

and obviously, that's not a very good etiquette,

and so it became the etiquette to not to put your elbows

on the table.

We do really still abide by the no elbows on the table rule

because I think it looks really ugly.

@Qualinx is saying, What's the proper way

to stir the tea: clockwise or anticlockwise?

Great question. And the answer is neither.

Instead, we stir in a back and forth 6, 12, 6, 12 motion,

gently flicking the teaspoon at the top of the cup,

not [spoon clangs] hanging around like that.

Thank you very much.

Set it back in line with the handle and enjoy.

RgMystur is asking, Actually [beep] this site,

I'm learning how to cut cheese for charcuterie.

Well, you live life on the edge.

Here comes our cheese selection. Thank you.

You don't want to take the best bit of the cheese

for yourself.

And the best bit of the cheeses that are made in the round

is the nose of the cheese.

And on this blue cheese here, that would be this bit.

So we wouldn't cut like soap

because you'd be taking the creamiest bit for yourself

and that's not good manners.

Instead, we are going to cut down

keeping the original shape.

And then we would place that cheese on our individual plate.

We have a question now from jopehaley.

How do you eat your peas?

Excellent question. Cue the peas.

Thank you so much.

Just ordered this plate of peas

from the nearest available tin.

What we don't do is scoop like this.

In really casual dining, that might be permissible,

but in more formal dining we're going to use

both the fork and the knife.

Some people do this.

I think this is more difficult to keep those peas balanced.

You see, there we go. One's gone.

It's much better

to just spear them onto the tines of your fork

and eat like so.

@TheEtiquetteMan is asking,

Is cheersing or clinking your glass on the table

proper etiquette?

[groans] So many people do it.

[glass clinks]

But it's not actually correct.

In formal dining, you're drinking from fine glassware

that's expensively made,

and if you do start smashing your glasses together,

you're going to hear the clink of glass all over the floor,

and that'll somewhat ruin the meal.

We have a tweet from @ShellyLahey.

No, but why should we care about etiquette?

Like who the [beep] cares about which fork goes where?

Why does it MATTER?

They've put in block capitals.

Clearly have strong opinions on this.

Etiquette important to everybody.

If you are a user of Earth,

then you need etiquette and manners.

No one is exempt from that.

Predominantly what I'm focusing on today

is Western, British, American etiquette.

@dhruvimodi10 is saying,

Who even decides table etiquette

like I'll keep the fork however I want

without giving some secret message

on whether I like the food or not.

Okay, so there is some etiquette fake news

that does the rounds on social media.

There is a graphic showing the different positions

to put your cutlery in

based on whether you liked the food or not,

whether you are ready for a second plate.

It's a load of rubbish.

The only positions you put your cutlery in

when they're not being held in your hand

is to indicate that you are resting or if you are finished.

When we're resting,

the cutlery goes like so.

When we're finished,

in Britain, we would put the cutlery together.

But in other parts of the world

that might be at a slight angle,

and in France, the fork might be turned over.

That is what the waiting staff are looking for.

@waseemhnyc is asking,

Is it ever okay to interrupt someone in a conversation?

Short answer, no.

And if it is okay, which it isn't,

when is it an appropriate time?

I mean, look, if they're on fire,

then you might perhaps need to say,

I'll just stop you there. Your trousers are alight.

But other than that, let them finish.

But note to everyone else,

a conversation is meant to be like a game of tennis.

You are not meant to hold the ball and not let it go.

@VirginRadioToronto are asking,

Is it wrong to taste a bottle of wine at a restaurant

and then send it back because you don't like it?

Well, the restaurant are going to love you

because you're going to be paying for the first bottle

and the second bottle.

The only reason, thank you,

that you can send something back

is because there is a problem with the wine

because it is corked

and that's where there's been a problem

in the storage process.

And by the time you get the wine about here,

you will know that it is corked,

it will stink.

This is from b1ackker, How tf do you eat a big ass burger

in a non grotesque way?

Well, that's an excellent question. Thank you.

Now this burger, this is huge.

Nobody's got a mouth that big.

So instead you are going to deconstruct it first

with your knife and fork.

Take the top of the bun off and then cut a little bit,

and then eat like so.

@RichardBicknase is asking,

What fork etiquette do you use?

I'm sure I'd get roasted in Europe

for my very American knife and fork etiquette.

Well, yes, there are some differences.

In Britain, when we're using a knife and fork together,

they are both held at the same time.

The knife stays low.

We obviously don't put the knife anywhere near our mouth,

and the food is conveyed via the fork.

And in Britain, the tines of the fork, the prongs,

always face downwards.

Now in America, they will start like this,

cut a little bit of food,

place the knife down on the edge of the plate,

turn the fork over,

stab and eat,

pick up the knife,

cut another little bit of food.

This is an aerobic exercise.

This is not relaxing in any way.

So we don't suggest eating like that in Britain.

But of course, in America, it's perfectly correct

if that's how they wish to eat.

Mistererickson is saying that According to etiquette expert

Emily Post,

there are three proper ways to eat spaghetti.

How do you do it?

Thank you. Looks so appetizing.

Well, Emily Post wrote her book in America

at the turn of the 20th century.

Now, I don't know about the etiquette back then,

but I don't think there were three ways to eat spaghetti.

But today, there is only one way.

You are not going to cut your pasta. It's very bad form.

It is just eaten with the fork upturned

in the dominant hand.

And you go in from the edge of your spaghetti,

twist and make a neat little parcel,

and then eat like so.

@lolitslaurence says,

What is the worst etiquette sin ever?

If you do not say, Please, thank you and sorry,

as a human being walking on this Earth,

then you should be put into etiquette room 101

and the key should be thrown away.

Those are the absolute basic fundamental things

of being a human being.

This one is from @Sassy_Frenchie,

Do they know the etiquette in France

is to arrive 15 minutes late at the host's house

so they can prepare on time?

This is a really interesting one,

and I think one that is changing with different generations.

So in Britain and in France and several of the countries,

it did use to be the etiquette

that you never arrived on time to someone's house

for a dinner.

So if I said to you, Come for 7:30.

You would turn up at 7:40 maybe 7:45.

However, I think millennials and Gen Z now

are slightly panicked if their guests are not there

at the time they have said.

So I would say really, if someone now says to you 7:30

probably go for 7:35.

As a host, it's really nice to have those 10, 15 minutes

just to have a breather,

do those final preparations,

have a gin and tonic,

and generally, the friends that don't get the 15 minutes,

10 to 15 minute late rule,

generally the ones that don't host.

@kayhaby is asking,

I'm absolutely shocked that so many people think

it's shitty to recline your airplane seat.

That's why it's there so you can recline.

I've never not reclined my seat.

My seat stays reclined always.

Well, I think the cabin crew have got something to say

at takeoff and landing about that

because you're not meant to have it reclined then.

Oh yes, they're from Austin, Texas, which explains so much.

I would suggest that if you are going to recline your seat,

and you are right @kayhaby,

if you want to recline your seat, you can,

but don't do it during the meal service.

Do make sure you just sort of slightly check behind you.

It's a signal that you are going to do it,

and you do it slowly.

Don't do it violently.

@msrobotbutler says,

Help, this girl is telling me about horoscopes

and I've literally no interest in it.

I don't know how to get out of this conversation.

Try and pair them off with someone else.

Say to them, Oh, I've just seen someone over there.

I must go and chat to before they go, but have you met Anna?

No?

I'm going to introduce this person with Anna.

And off you go.

It's much nicer than just going, I've got to go, bye.

And then walking off.

@BraveArcanine is asking,

It feels like unless I hunt down the waiter

that we want the check or bill,

we could be there for hours,

is this a thing?

The way to get a waiter's attention is purely body language.

We don't want any clicking, any clapping,

or any flapping about.

Instead sort of sit back from the table,

make yourself a little bit taller

and try and catch their eye as they go past.

Keep the hand at the level of the eye,

and then when they come over,

please may I have the bill?

That's all you need to say.

@eduzmi is asking,

I need a crash course on how to properly address royals.

Well, I'm gonna take the British royal family.

The king and queen are referred to as their majesty,

but direct conversation you would say your majesty,

and then you would call the king sir thereafter,

and Queen Camilla would be ma'am,

and that's ma'am as in ham, not ma'am as in farm.

And every other member of the royal family,

if they have an HRH title would be Your Royal Highness,

followed by sir or ma'am,

according to their gender.

@SALTCHEECK is asking,

I'm having an internal debacle right now.

A lady is standing in front of me in the train.

She looks pregnant, but not really.

Do I ask? Do I offer my seat?

There is always that slight jeopardy

that, of course, you might offend somebody,

but the good news is you're probably never seeing them

ever again.

If you wish to offer your seat to anybody

who looks like they need that seat more than you,

then yes, you can do that.

@shornKOOMINS is saying,

I hold the door open for anyone, always,

but I would like some clarification on the optimum distance

at which it is acceptable to let the door close

instead of enduring that awkward long-ish wait

and forcing them to break

into that slightly embarrassed half jog.

At 2.4 meters.

No, that's a joke.

There's no correct distance for me to give you.

It's just what feels right.

But at least glance behind and check.

@bday1961 is asking,

How do you get rid of house guests

that overstay their welcome?

I have various different tactics.

First of all, I might say to them,

Have you got a very busy day tomorrow?

Or I might say to people, Can I get anyone anything else?

Which again is another passive-aggressive piece

of British etiquette to mean Please leave.

If all of that fails, you can just flick the lights

and hope they get the message like a nightclub.

Well, those are all of the burning etiquette questions

we've got time for today.

Thank you very much indeed for watching Etiquette Support.

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