David Cross Answers The Web's Most Searched Questions

Hi, everybody.

This is David Cross.

This is the WIRED Autocomplete Interview.

[energetic music] [singer singing indistinctly]

Does David cross?

Occasionally, if I'm really drunk and not self-aware,

then I can, occasionally, but I'll clean it up.

[energetic music] [singer singing indistinctly]

Here we go.

Does David Cross have a podcast?

Yes, he does.

It's called Senses Working Overtime.

It's great. I actually really enjoy it.

And it's just me having a conversation

with really interesting, funny people.

That's all.

There's no bullshit thing

that we're trying to hang around it.

And I'm a pretty good talker, and a good listener.

I am. I'll listen to you.

What do you have to say?

Does David cross?

I think I explained this.

Yeah, and I had it removed when I was...

Still do stand up?

How dare you?

I'm on motherfucking tour right now.

I don't know when this comes out,

but I'm about to go out on tour, okay?

This'll be my 10th international tour.

Yes, I do standup.

It's not the kinda standup that gets nominated for Emmy's,

but it'll get its occasional Grammy.

Better to listen to [laughs] that, I guess, watch it on TV.

Does David Cross write music?

I did Clair de Lune,

I guess that's one of my more famous pieces.

And I wrote, oh, I did.

I should say I wrote all the Lil' Zane stuff, which is easy.

I do that in my sleep. [singing in gibberish]

Does David Cross [paper rustling]

have more awards?

Oh, [laughs] I don't. I don't.

Do I have more awards?

I have less than Disney.

Yes, I do.

The Walt Disney Company and their subsidiaries.

Last time I checked, they had over 1,262 awards,

and I have more than four.

I have five, that's less than Disney.

That's less than Disney. [board thuds]

Next board?

I do want to note that that is a very strange search

to come up.

There's just some dude named Disney, that's not Walt Disney.

Does David Cross have more awards than Jeffrey Disney?

[laughs] Yes, he does. [crew member laughs]

Oh yeah, like five more. [laughs]

David Cross, Amber Tamblyn.

So we are going to celebrate our 13th anniversary,

but we've been together for...

I don't wanna say too long, but a long time

and I love her and she's pretty awesome.

And she's the mother of my child.

David Cross and Bob Odenkirk.

Bob and I have been married for...

Bob is one of my best friends.

Bob and I just got back literally a couple weeks ago

from climbing Machu Picchu, hiking the Inca Trail,

which was quite difficult.

We might have taken some cameras along.

I'm not gonna say nothing. [giggles]

Now, Bob has more awards than me,

not more awards than Disney.

But Bob does. And well, he should, you know?

Well, he's a good guy.

One of the funniest, smartest, most decent people I know.

David Cross first headshot.

I'm a sniper.

I don't know how much I'm clear to say.

David Cross in scary movie.

I think you mean scary movie too,

outside of Alvin and the Chipmunks,

probably my most recognized role.

So not all bad.

[board thuds]

Thank you.

What's your name?

Sonia. Sonia?

Sonia's doing a great job.

How would you say I'm doing for all the times

that you've passed the boards over.

[Sonia] I think you've done the best.

Really? Yeah.

You're not just saying that.

[Sonia] Maybe Gillian Anderson was a little better.

Oh fuck you! Go to hell. [Sonia laughs]

Gillian Anderson did better. [laughs]

I love the idea of... [laughs]

[Sonia laughs]

I love the idea of doing better. Okay.

David Cross Tobias.

Yes.

I played the part of Tobias Menzies,

who's a British actor in the Tobias Menzies Story.

I'm significantly older than him, so it was weird.

But hair and makeup, you know, prosthetics and everything.

It didn't do well in the States.

Not many people are familiar with him

and in the UK this...

And I'm looking forward to another role

where the character is named Tobias.

You can be anything, any Tobias, you know, whatever.

Make it funky.

David Cross [paper rustling]

tattoos.

I have a couple of tattoos you can sort

of see some poking through.

This is the cover of my favorite book,

which is Masters of Atlantis, the original artwork.

That's a kosher pig who is giving you his own barbecue.

And then this is Hitler being spanked.

It's like a Fleischer Hitler being spanked

by an Old Testament God and Hitler is crying

and his tears are forming the clouds,

which, you know, rain create the water,

so that creates our bounty in America, our crops.

So that's how religion works.

David Cross the Strokes. [paper rustling]

Strokes are some friends of mine.

We all met back in that scene

where everybody hung out together

and we all went to the same seven, eight bars

and everybody did shows and we just got friendly.

They're friendly with other comedians.

I'm friends with other bands. It's cool, it's polyamorous.

Loved their music and loved their shows.

Julian kissed me not once, but twice. How about that?

I was very surprised. Taking it back.

Didn't mind it. This is pre-beard.

You understand.

[board thuds]

Ow!

[Crew Member] It took a long time for the... Yeah. [laughs]

Okay. David Cross Umbrella Academy.

It was one of those things that happens occasionally

where it was a Friday evening and I got this call

and I was on a plane on Monday morning

to go to production here in wardrobe.

I hadn't seen the show, but I was aware of it

and I knew it was a much loved show.

Went shot a scene and met everybody.

Everybody was...

The whole cast was there.

Then on a break, I was home and my wife

and I started to watch it and immediately hooked.

It's smart. You're never ahead of it.

You're all kinds of questions, trying to figure stuff out.

Just watch it.

David Cross [paper rustling]

Waiting for Guffman.

Yes. That was one of the first things I did.

One of the few people I would call a genius,

one of the few people I knew that I would call a genius.

Guy named Joe Frank did these kind of radio plays.

Plays isn't the right word.

And he asked me to do one of his things.

So I did this thing, it's like the Final Ride

or The Last Ride or something like that.

But I did O.J. Simpson's manservant,

who was with him in the back of the Bronco.

There was no YouTube.

So people passed this [chuckles] tape around

or the CD and in Hollywood especially,

it became kind of known 'cause Joe Frank's stuff

was out of KCRW in Santa Monica.

It's on a Beastie Boys album.

It's been sampled and it kind of made its way around.

And then Christopher Guest, who was putting

Waiting for Guffman together, wanted to meet the guy

who did that.

David Cross? [paper rustling]

Yeah. Yeah.

Chicken pot pie. [crew member laughs]

So chicken pot pie was a thing that I said

in an episode of Just Shoot Me!

From I believe it aired in 1892.

You know, the line was, I just riff it.

I went, Chicken pot pie, chicken pot pie, chicken pot pie.

People loved it. They still do.

I don't get it. [laughs]

I don't became, you know, the thing that people

would point at me and say,

You know, chicken pot pie.

And at the airport or whatever, or maybe I'm on the phone

and my girlfriend's breaking up with me

and I'm starting to cry and people go,

Hey dude, chicken pot pie.

I'll be abroad.

I'll be in fucking China and people...

It's crazy, eh? I don't get it.

Not that funny. [board tapping]

Here it is. Ready?

Where did David Cross grow up?

Some would say I haven't really finished growing up,

but the bulk of my growing up was in Roswell, Georgia.

A suburb of Atlanta.

Although back when I was there, it was very rural.

I didn't say redneck, I didn't say that.

I said rural. I was born in Georgia.

And then moved around a bunch all over Florida, Connecticut,

New York, then moved back when I was nine

and then stayed there until I was 19.

Is David Cross...

Mm, I'm home...

Yeah. [paper rustling]

Oh, in GTA San Andreas.

Yes I am. Yes I am.

And I would first of all apologize

because by far, easily the most annoying

and difficult missions are my characters.

I can't remember the character's names.

My character was like nerdy and annoying.

An annoying voice, [chuckles] which is fine

if you're gonna breeze right through the thing,

but if you have to constantly hear the voice berate

and I'm playing it, the model airplane mission

that took forever and I have to listen

to myself berating me.

David Cross? [paper rustling]

Whoop.

David Cross Halo 2 quotes.

I have no idea.

I mean, I played it when it came out.

What are we on like Halo 104 at this point.

So I don't know what they are. Maybe you do.

Oh, maybe the internet does. Google it.

Was David Cross in Aqua Teen Hunger Force?

Yes, I was.

So I reprised the character of...

I wanna say Happy Time Harry.

I think that was it.

Just a morose, suicidal, nihilistic, you know, jerk.

Which fits in that word. [board thuds]

Oh, that's all the boards.

What'd you think of them?

Till next time, why would there be a next time?

I'll see you in 2028.

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